I grew up doing a lot of camping and being outdoors frequently so it is hard for me to think of any one time. Mostly I remember lying on the ground on a towel looking at the small patch of grass in front of me observing each blade and every ant and other insect that wandered past. Smelling the damp earth with the warm sun on my back. The vivid green grass and dark brown soil is imprinted like a photo on my mind. This is what I often think of when I think of childhood. The smell, the warmth, the colours.

I also have memories of climbing down alone over the cliffs looking out over the ocean with dark grey clouds above, strong winds whipping around and being mesmerized by the deep blue and green waves crashing against each other blow on the rocks. I would stand leaning forward slightly with my arms out and the strength of the wind would keep me upright. The wind almost taking my breath away. It’s a strong memory that reminds me of the power and force of nature. I was around 14/15/16 at the time

In contrast, I also have memories from around the same age of being on an Outward Bound camp hiking through the mountains. A couple of times we slept under the stars and it was my first time camping without a tent or bivy. Laying down at night gazing at the starts on a clear and still night, the silence and beauty of it all is still an overwhelming vision. So calm, so peaceful.

"Enter with a beginners mind".

This wasn't directed solely at me, I was on an very small closed e-mail group and I don't recall what the person was discussing, probably religion, however it is a phrase that has stuck with me.  It reminds me not to assume so much.  Often when encountering a new idea it is common to have preconceptions that can block us from accepting or understanding.  If we approach things as a beginner, as someone who is open to truly learning , then there is a better chance that we will really understand what is being presented to us.

Cynthia/Realityshifter has a wonderful blog that I have been voraciously reading.  Lately I've really been procrastinating, getting behind and being pretty hard on myself.  I get feelings of not being good enough, not suceeding, and a variety of other negative things.  I know that they are not true, however when I look at my daily "to do" list, all of these thoughts come up into my head and I feel really blocked. 

Time to take some action.  Here are five things that Cynthia recommends, and some of them I have gone through before to help me, and I know they work. 

Meditate and/or pray every day,
Ask five friends to write down and share with you what they love most about you,
Say words of appreciation and praise aloud to yourself every day,
Give yourself a hug every night when you go to bed, and
Say aloud to yourself three things you are most proud of that you have accomplished so far.

The hardest thing is to continue doing these things on a daily basis.  It's easy to meditate as soon as I log off here today, but will I do it tomorrow? 

I have two.  Actually I have a lot more lol, but these are two fun ones that I really like.    Jabberwocky because the words are so fun to roll around your tongue, and I like The Ning Nang Nong because it's just plain goofy and you can't help but smile when you say it. 



Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll


'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

'Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!'

He took his vorpal sword in hand:

Long time the manxome foe he sought--

So rested he by the Tumtum tree,

And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head

He went galumphing back.

'And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?

Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'

He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.


On the Ning Nang Nong

On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
and the monkeys all say BOO!
There's a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang
And you just can't catch 'em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning
Trees go ping
Nong Ning Nang
The mice go Clang
What a noisy place to belong
is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!

Spike Milligan

Irreversibly?
 
I hope not.

How can we stop this from happening to other rivers?

16.  I don't know how many times I am working with people and I wonder "Who the heck put me in charge?"  I'll be 40 in a few months, and I can't say that I hate aging in the same way that many people do. I don't dread birthdays, and I see each year as a new opportunity to get things done.  I have a lot more confidence than I did when I was younger, and it just keeps getting better, however I am still that same bewildered yet idealistic 16 year old who doesn't know what she is going to be when she grows up.

It is hard to say something good about ourselves.   A couple of weeks ago at a girl scout sleep over we had the girls tell us about something they are good at, it was hard to get them going.  Why are we always so hard on ourselves?  April 15 to 21 is National Volunteer Week and I am going to be writing cards to thank the people I volunteer with for their work.  That is my "next" nice thing.  My last nice thing... well I stayed up very late last night helping someone with a newsletter they were doing, it does benefit me though, so does that count?  I didn't have to do it.    Plus I did write something nice about one of the volunteers who is leaving.  I guess I see these things as "everyday" and nothing special.  It's just what people should do, right?  If someone needs help, you help them out.  If someone does good, you thank them. 

I'm not one for believing in the mystical abilities of Tarot, however I do find these things interesting because no matter what the outcome, it forces you to think about things, often in a way that hasn't ocurred to you before. 

So I'm the "Hanged Man".

Waiting for something to happen.  This is certainly me.  And I don't like it.  Is it because I can then swoop in and fix everthing? 

Fear of loss from a situation, rather than gain.  Me again. 

I'm not sure I want to type more about this because it's a little too close to the bone. 

However, this is one reason I am drawn to zaadz.  I know it is time to act on the things that are important to me, not to sit and chat about them, or to read and research.  It's time to act.   And connecting with people here is so inspiring. 

This is certainly something to dwell on today.

You are the Hanged Man

Self-sacrifice, Sacrifice, Devotion, Bound.

With the Hanged man there is often a sense of fatalism, waiting for something to happen. Or a fear of
loss from a situation, rather than gain.

The Hanged Man is perhaps the most fascinating card in the deck. It reflects the story of Odin who offered himself as a sacrifice in order to gain knowledge. Hanging from the world tree, wounded by a spear, given no bread or mead, he hung for nine days. On the last day, he saw on the ground runes that had fallen from the tree, understood their meaning, and, coming down, scooped them up for his own. All knowledge is to be found in these runes.

The Hanged Man, in similar fashion, is a card about suspension, not life or death. It signifies selflessness, sacrifice and prophecy. You make yourself vulnerable and in doing so, gain illumination. You see the world differently, with almost mystical insights.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I can't possibly be first!  Wow.  Favourite toy.  I really don't think I had one.  However if I did it was probably anything my brothers had.   I remember being fascinated with a toy tank that my brother had.   It would really fire things.  I would put a matchstick in it and knock down card houses.  Sounds a bit violent but it wasn't really, liked trying to get the aim "just right".   I think kids like to build things and then knock them down. 

Tickets for  me and my family to be with my parents at Christmas.  

Either that, or for the whole Iraq situation to suddenly and miraculously be cleared up with peace in the mideast.  I think the first is more likely to happen.